Growing Up

Growing up is a difficult process, particularly if you don’t believe in your own independence. There will be events throughout your life to convince you of your capabilities. Whether or not you become convinced is another matter.

I have recently graduated from university and will hopefully be getting my driver’s license soon. To some these achievements might be immense, to others they might be nothing more than my obligation, my job or, to put it simply, “not that big a deal.”

In my opinion, as hard as those three years were, this is the tough part, the afterwards. What to do with yourself after you spent three years of your life working hard for your future. Well, some of us anyway.

The first job I managed to get after I left university was not the best or in the least related to what I had worked towards. I realise I should be glad to have had a job at all, given the current economic climate. It’s just, when your betters repeatedly tell you that you need a degree to get a job you don’t think they mean literally any job. Those of you reading this who have not yet gone to university, be forewarned: your degree does not guarantee you a job. While it is fair that an employer wants experienced candidates working for them, where are we meant to get said experience? No experience, no job; no job, no experience.

I digress. In fact, I’ve digressed so far I can’t remember my point. Ah! Independence! Yes. Well, if you’re lucky university will change your life for the better. Living away from home, meeting new people who will have a huge impact on your life, “socialising” (If you know what I mean.)

I made the decision to live at home, I told myself, and others, for monetary reasons. The truth is I did not believe in myself. I did not think I was disciplined enough to handle studies on my own. What I did not realise was that self-discipline and teaching was something that I had spent nineteen years perfecting.

Two years into university was when it finally sunk in, but by then you think, “no sense in moving out now, only one more year, would be a waste of money.”

While that was true, maybe now I would not be in this pickle.

I did meet someone who had an impact on my life, my fiancée. He too stayed at home, and we both regret it, to an extent. Perhaps it would have been easier to make the transfer from student accommodation to then live together. Now we have to do the “sensible” thing and wait until we have a job and some money put together. Now, the truly sensible thing would be to wait about a year if not more. After all the more money put together the easier it will be to fulfil all our wishes: living together, travelling, etc. On the other hand, I for one have wanted my own space for a while and although it would be shared with my other half, so would the expenses.

The last on my list, but by no means least, the parents. That’s a difficult topic to raise when it comes to independence, especially theirs from us, the children. Each of us has their relationship with these beings that gave us life. Some will say they did not give them enough space some argue they gave too much. I had a bit of both, but at the wrong phases of my life.

I love my parents, but I feel the time has come to start my own adventure. How do you tell your parents that without hurting them though? Or without getting a stern lecture on how it is a big mistake to do so? After all, why move out when you can save money by living with your parents without having to pay bills?

That’s a fair point, for a university student. Yes it would be nice to live under their wing for a while longer, but I would like to find my own nest, even if it’s just to fly into a big ugly tree or straight towards the hard cold pavement. Nothing against them, of course, but more to do with me. Perhaps it would be a big mistake to move out now, maybe I’ll regret it and come crawling back with my tail between my legs, but how am I supposed to know if it is a mistake if I don’t make it. I never have made mistakes, never risked anything. What stories am I meant to tell my grandchildren if I go through life always doing the right thing?

The last thing I want to do is leave on bad terms. Partly because I might need a place to come back to if it all goes wrong, but also because they’re my parents, and they should be there for any big change that happens in my life. Ok, yes, I’m also going to need help move my stuff from one house to the other, but seriously now… I love my parents, and I do hope they understand. Growing up is not easy, but it sure helps if your loved ones are there to support you.